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Trust that I sat in the theater praying to Stripper Jesus thatHustlersnot be yet another strip-club turkey.
I was dancing during the days ofShowgirlsandStriptease, which left me in a state of permanent cringe.
When it comes to Hollywood depictions of strippers, we areused to feeling betrayed.
Im not saying the movie made me feel comfortable, but it did make me feel recognized.
Predicting which scenario would greet me on a given shift was impossible.
This commitment to care brought to the fore years worth of sublimated injury and unprocessed rejection.
Looks-wise, I was never a stunner, instead occupying a spot on the pleasant-but-not-heartbreaking Laura LinneyLaura Dern axis.
Onyx cupped my breasts and, squeezing them and lifting them, said, Get a push-up bra.
Perhaps most moving to me is that the film is presented as feminist, with a pink-collar working-class heart.
(If you dont thinksex workis awomensissue, honey, who do you think isdoingthis work?)
It was a little too relatable, on a few too many levels.
Adjusted for inflation, that is $10,000 today.
My self-worth vacillated based on market demand.
Without realizing it, I was developing a bizarre competitive workaholism turned inward as feelings of self-loathing and inferiority.
If I made $500 a shift, I told myself I couldve made $800.
What else could I do to get ahead?
The enhancements beckon: bigger hair, deeper tan, longer nails, poufier lips.
Chop, chop, spandex Cinderella.
Gimme more, indeed.
When Ramona exhorts, The whole country is a strip club.
You have people tossing the money and people doing the dance, I saiddamnout loud.
The reductionism is so simple yet so toxic.
If a woman walks out of aHustlerstheater wanting to be a stripper, she isnt paying attention.
(And honestly, our hardworking dancers arent looking to grow the ranks anyhow.)
I pledge to affirm stripping as a legitimate job choice.
But stripping changed me, I meanchangedme, in ways that no other job Ive held has.
What was I to do about the suspicious gap on my resume?
Or the co-worker at my first straight professional job in Manhattan who outed me in the local gossip pages?
And what about the shame?
But thats not how it works.
Its not a matter of deciding yes or no.
Shame is a stealth agent.
Ive been ambushed by it many times.
Im not in prison.
Nice job, mom!You may formally renounce shame, yet people keep thrusting it at you anyway.
Even in the greeting-card aisle.
Even 20 years after you quit.
Theres a whole other movie to be produced about this: life after the hustle.
ButHustlersis a shamelessintroduction to the temptations and pitfalls of the game while youre still trying to run it.
Regardless of whether a hustlers coming up, cruising along, or crashing down, Im rooting for her.
And so is this groundbreaking film.
That doesnt mean its flawless.
This, too, is my prayer.
Stripper Jesus, bless the Hustlers.
Bless us every one.
