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Jerry Seinfeld hates talk shows, so he instead set out to do the antitalk show.
For viewers, the lack of fanfare and production makes us voyeurs to the lives of comedians.
Thebest episodesare the ones that really make you feel like youre eavesdropping on a private moment between friends.
The conversation forays into where different comics take their career.
It always feels a little awkward when Seinfeld and his guests accomplishments dont match up.
Also, the banter, which is the real meat of the show, just seems flat and lackluster.
Not comparable to the others at all.
This episode was like watching pastel paint dry from a really uncomfortable wicker chair.
However, it deserves credit for taking the time to deconstruct the term douchebag.
Best Line:That guys a real ottoman.
Martin
81.
Is that too harsh?
Yes, here is my transparent bias.
Best Line:You live in [West Hollywood]?
Thats where all the alcohol is!
Sings
80.
I think theres something that happens when the older generation of comedians gets together with the up-and-comers: awkwardness.
Best Line:I didnt laugh once.
I wanted to, but it wasnt in the cards.
Nothing in this episode can top that, not even the beard trim Seinfeld has planned for Joyner.
But Im fine with that.
Best Line:All theGlengarry Glen Rosslines (youll see).
Or as Seinfeld dubs this episode, Comedians in Cars Getting Aggravated.
Parker is not a comedian, so I am right there with the aggravation.
Listen, it was a cute episode, nothing special.
Best Line:The old-school cup-holder people.
Seinfeld
77.
Its a hard one to crack.
This episode gave me agita.
Stern
76.
Barry Marder: Big Lots and BevMo!
(Season 11, Episode 12)
Things go off the rails in this one.
Best Line:Am I boring you?
Seinfeld
75.
Todd Barry: So Youre Mellow and Tense?
Best Line:What about all those shirts in Macys?
Where do they go?
What happens to them?
Seinfeld
74.
Theres a little wife talk, a little children talk, a little comedian talk.
Plus Gaffigan leads a game of 21 Questions.
Best Line:Just the pastrami-eating montage.
Anyway, the conversation topics of this episode really take on a mind of their own.
Best Line:If youre with cannibals obviously you have to have good manners.
You dont want to offend a cannibal.
Seinfeld
72.
The majority of this episode is them fanboying over each other, which I guess is kind of cute.
This episode is also the start of some awkward moments of reminiscing about their respective relationships with Bill Cosby.
Best Line:Planet of the Apesis theWizard of Oz.Murphy
71.
Wentworth is just a good talker.
She is great at coming off as a regular person who also happens to be hilarious.
It seems like she and Seinfeld have a lot of family vacations together.
Best Line:All [WASP] genitals are spackled shut.
Wentworth
70.
If you appreciate a good 1964 Studebaker Avanti, then you will love this!
She says, I dont know, I never looked.
guest star, Jeannie
69.
TheSaturday Night Livealum dives into how her persona made her uniquely apt for her improv andSNL.
Wiig is such a sunny presence and so funny when onstage, but this episode was a little sleepy.
Best Line:I love two people getting heated up and jumping into bed because of an old Volvo.
Seinfeld
68.
George Wallace: Two Polish Airline Pilots (Season 4, Episode 2)
Wallace and Seinfeld do Vegas.
Most importantly, in this episode we learn that Vegas actually has coffee!
But before Seinfeld and Wallace get their caffeine intake, they take the stage at the Flamingo.
This is the first episode where Seinfeld does a little stand-up, which is a nice treat.
Youll learn a lot.
Best Line:How did they come up with the word suppository?
Bill Maher: The Comedy Team of Smug and Arrogant (Season 6, Episode 4)
Fitting title.
This episode dripped with both smugnessandarrogance.
Best Line:I thought goats just walk around.
Didnt know they were making butter.
Seinfeld
66.
Ricky Gervais: China Maybe?
Part 1 and 2 (Season 11, Episode 3 and 4)
Oof.
This episode gets into it, but maybe not in the way you want.
Then follows up with, you might have already guessed, China maybe?
Not only does the joke stay in, but its the title of both part one and two.
Take that as you will.
Best Line:No ones interested in a show about nothing.
Seinfeld
65.
Does anyone need it?
What is it good for?
Thats how Seinfeld describes the 1976 Dodge Royal Monaco sedan hes picked out for his guest, Seth Rogen.
I like things that exist, says Seinfeld, just because they want to exist.
So off to a good start!
The Cosby chat is quickly followed by awkward silence because really, what is there to say?
Look out because Im about to pitchComedians in Cars Getting Fast Food.
Best Line:Do you want to split some French fries?
Rogen
64.
What is the insurance policy on Seinfeld, do you think?
Best Line:Comedy has a vampire aspect to it you dont want to do it in the light.
Seinfeld
63.
Other than that distraction, Macdonald tells a lot of old stories about coming up and Seinfeld mostly listens.
If Norm Macdonald story hour is on your wish list then this episode is for you!
Macdonald
62.
To fulfill their yearning the two play ketchup execs over some lunch.
Its a conversation about nothing, and what more could you want from a Seinfeld show?
Put the cap on the bottom.
Hodgson
61.
The show usually feels very intimate and raw, and this episode just felt too showy.
Best Line:What is a Jay Leno?
Leno
60.
Seth Meyers: Really?!
Its always entertaining to hear about how the talent ofSNLcame up and that moment their careers were made.
Best Lines:
Meyers: How many cars do you have?
Seinfeld: An amount that if you looked at it you would not go, Well that makes sense.
We know that both Seinfeld and Chappelle are comedy powerhouses, but they seemed … tired?
I guess thats a nice gesture that had to be completed publicly during this episode.
Seinfeld
58.
Margaret Cho: you might Go Cho Again (Season 8, Episode 2)
This episode is jam-packed.
This episode is really a lesson in gallows humor at its peak and censorship and comedy.
Best Line:Intersectional?
Sounds like a couch that can turn into a dining-room table.
Seinfeld
57.
Was it the most hilarious episode?
Was is better than overhearing any two uncles arguing over gas or charcoal?
So there you have it.
The secret to my ratings barometer is out.
Best Line:Everytime I turned onSeinfeld, you guys were worried about a jacket.
Brennan
56.
Seinfeld thinks this Nissan Figaro, ideal for a person who enjoys savoring life, is perfect for Villasenor.
Best Line:Mr. Rogers makes you feel really bad about yourself.
Whats the highest echelon in which someone had to tell a guest, Youll have to jiggle the handle?
This episode is just pure silliness.
Best Line:Has a baron ever said to an earl, Youll need to jiggle the handle?
Regan
54.
This episode perfectly illustrates Seinfelds desire for an un-talk show.
Best Line:Dictators, comics, and preachers, this is all the same shtick.
Seinfeld
53.
Robert Klein: Opera Pimp (Season 4, Episode 3)
Klein is such a character.
So animated in everything he says and does.
This is another one of those history of comedy episodes.
A nice little Cliffnotes on Merv Griffin, Johnny Carson, and Richard Pryor.
Best Line:You dont want to see Rodney [Dangerfields] testicles.
Klein
52.
I didnt mind though.
Best Line:White people dont know what the projects is.
You know what the projects is?
and he says, Thats the projects, we dont go over there.
Morgan
51.
Their acts couldnt be more opposite.
That aside, this episode had me on edge for other reasons.
For Seinfeld, who is a vet of clean comedy and barely cusses, this was a moment.
So its time to place your bets.
Best Line:I cant think of anything else except getting to the bottom of this mystery.
Brian Regan: Are There Left Handed Spoons?
I cant unsee it now.
but what can, really?
Best Line:Dont they have left-handed spoons?
Regan
49.
Was this episode a knockout hit like his firstComedians in Carsappearance back in season seven?
Dont you want to watch the Seinfelds have company?
Best Line:I love to see you in grass.
Seinfeld
48.
Best Line:Youre like a young king, arent you?
- Things are kept from you, but you want to do stuff.
Comedy, Sex, and the Blue Numbers (Season 3, Episode 1)
Seinfeld and C.K.
drive the dumbest little wicker-seat Fiat to set sail aboard C.K.s yacht.
makes Seinfeld a cup of brew and tells him how he lives when his kids arent around.
Best Line:I cant afford this boat.
I shouldnt have gotten it.
You shouldnt buy a yacht unless you’re able to afford to buy ten yachts.
Patton Oswalt: How Would You Kill Superman?
So back to the past to the future?
Or, from the past back to the future?
By the time hes done, Seinfeld comes in clutch with a backup DeLorean.
Best Line:Wait, you had a backup DeLorean?
Oswalt
44.
John Oliver: What Kind of Human Animal Would Do This?
The Brits didnt take to him as well as the Americans have.
Its fun to see Oliver out from behind the desk just drinking coffee.
Seinfeld
43.
Michaels really opens up about the show and how he spots talent and can tell what theyre good for.
Michaels
42.
This is right in that sweet spot.
Seinfeld: Maybe you were just trying to get a plug in an outlet.
Apatow: I think we were watchingNarcos.I think she heard [Pablo] Escobar have sex.
Instead of the comedian talking a lot about his career, this is more Seinfeld gushing over Einsteins career.
Einstein is probably one of the most accidentally entertaining people who ever existed.
Seinfeld: This isnt really a show.
Einstein: What is it?
We should all be on whatever Fallon is on.
He is funny, yes, but also genuinely happy and excited.
Itd be annoying if it wasnt so damn adorable.
Best Line:What you want in a pancake is to have the consistency of young human flesh.
Seinfeld
39.
These two veteran comics just hang out and let us watch.
It also provides a pretty good insight into the comic brain.
Best Line:I talked at a friends funeral this year … got a couple laughs.
Rock
37.
Seinfeld offers up some critiques, too.
He cant help it.
This is near the top solely for the matching sneakers.
Kevin Hart is pretty good too.
Best Line:You use my name like youre trying to sell me something.
Seinfeld
36.
Matthew Broderick: These People That Do This Stuff.
But before the duo puts the car into first gear (is that how those things work?)
and take off for Citi Field, they have to get some coffee and outerwear.
Why that would be the outcome is never explained.
Youd think the one thing thats not bad for business is having two megastars peruse your outerwear.
Best Line:Let me tell you whats going to happen.
Were going back [to Patagonia].
Other famous folk are always shocked that Seinfeld doesnt care about privacy or shielding himself from the public.
Was this episode hilarious?
Not really, save for the fact of asurprise episode ofBetween Two Fernsstarring Seinfeld.
Spoiler alert: Cardi B shows up for no apparent reason, because everything but the kitchen sink.
Best Line:Shouldnt Seinfeld have just been called Larry David?
Galifianakis
34.
Its utterly hilarious to see Waltz sitting in an IHOP booth, but also extremely uncomfortable.
Waltz just sits there looking very afraid of pancakes.
He trades up for a crepe, which doesnt fare any better.
Best Line:This IHOP, I never knew what it is.
I actually always thought it was cheap shoes.
Waltz
33.
Lewis Black: At What Point Am I Out From Under?
Its an interesting conversation to overhear from two older comedians.
Someone needs to makeLewis Black in Cars in New York Yelling at Shit Drivers.
Thats a formal request.
Best Line:Blacks eating montage.
Watching Seinfeld dealing with a smoking Ferrari is very entertaining.
Other than that, its always interesting how younger comedians hold their own opposite legends.
Schumer asks, Is it worthless to compliment you?
Best Line:Im going to hold onto my seat belt like rosary beads.
Schumer
31.
Ellen DeGeneres: You Said It Wasnt Funny (Season 10, Episode 3)
DeGeneres is great.
There are no awkward pauses in conversation, and the banter is on point but its not all throwaway.
This episode did not disappoint.
Best Line:[A penis] is kind of like an expandable stroller.
Seinfeld
30.
Best Line:You are living in a dreamworld of residuals.
Short
29.
You want to know when a friend is on the show?
When the guest is talking about depression and Seinfeld interrupts to ask for half-and-half.
It sums up not just this episode, but the series perfectly.
Best Line:You know what I think we are going to be suffering from here?
Seinfeld
28.
Quinn, Seinfeld, and Joyner break bread in hipster Brooklyn while Joyner regales them with a public-transportation tale.
Its like theres no show going on, just friends catching up.
Seinfeld: Tell me, aside from [kids], what isnt just brain-numbingly repetitive?
Quinn: I hearDownton Abbeys pretty good.
Dana Carvey: Na.. Ga.. Do.. Carvey did shtick for 99 percent of this episode, but I didnt expect anything else.
If you ignore the whole episode and just watch that last minute, youre golden.
Its a weird, trippy time.
Best Line:There is no pulp, no matter how much pulp they tell you there is.
Pulp is an illusion.
Carrey
25.
We finally learn the origin story of Ferrells cat bit from hisSNLaudition.
Best Line:Is there anything more futile than telling a cat what you dont want it to do?
Seinfeld
24.
The audience is all the police we need, says Seinfeld.
Best Line:Tragedy strikes.
Ive got news for you.
We have the jokes that night!
Harvey
23.
Best Line:Just everything Foxx said.
I put the first Baldwin episode as No.
Love him or hate him, Baldwin is a funny funny man.
I got 15 bucks in my pocket, sunflower seeds all around.
Baldwin (Also, its all worth it for the post-credits montage of Baldwin handing Seinfeld his coffee.)
Maniscalco entertains Seinfeld with a story about an exterminator and its probably the best minute of the whole series.
Best Line:If [exterminators] could really exterminate we wouldnt have these things.
Theyre rat realtors… theyre just going to take these rats and show them some other properties.
Seinfeld
20.
Seinfeld of France is debatable; Elmaleh seems a lot more approachable.
Maybe the Seinfeld of France with actual human emotions and feelings.
Either way, Elmaleh is a hilarious guy in his own right.
If there was a show calledComedians in Cars Eating Bread, well, send that to Netflix too!
Best Line:No mirrors because nuns dont need mirrors.
No lipsticks for nuns.
Elmaleh
19.
Best Line:Youve finally made a show about nothing.
David
18.
Rickles is still as sharp as a tack and not even Seinfeld can keep up.
Rickles even takes a break to hit on the waitress.
Best Line:Youre one of those voodoo Jews.
Seinfeld
17.
If you are a fan of Martin, and who isnt, this episode is truly something special.
Best Line:When I was a kid, all I wanted to be was happy-go-lucky.
Martin
16.
So you’re free to imagine what bang out of episode requires a warning like that.
One with Kramer, possibly?
Seinfeld: Were just raindrops on a windshield, Michael.
Richards: I wanna know whos wiping me off.
Its so humbling to see where Noah came from and where he is now.
This episode hit all the comedic parts but also served up some really touching moments.
Best Line:You have the humility of a colonizer.
Noah
14.
Couldnt help but shed a tear in commiseration.
Its Jerry and Elaine taking a walk down memory lane and it should go on forever.
Best Line:Thank you for training him to become a human being.
Louis-Dreyfus [to Seinfelds wife … over the phone]
13.
Which sounds exactly like a life philosophy Burr would have.
He is exactly as Burr as he can be and probably the most comfortable of all the guests.
Burr just wants to be onstage doing bits no pretension about it and it shows.
Burr
12.
When30 Rockended they were like, What do you want to do?
I was like, I wanna be in charge of the Twitter licenses.
We need you Fey, now more than ever!
Best Line:Feces are my purview.
Fey
11.
This night, Seinfeld crashes the party.
Its awe-inspiring to see two legends sitting in front of TV-dinner tables eating deli sandwiches.
Best Line:We like a movie if someone says, Secure the perimeter.
Reiner
10.
She has to be funny all the time, theres no way around it.
Best Line:Just McKinnon smoking a scallion.
But ignore that, because this episode deserves all the praise.
Mulaney and Seinfeld go rug shoppingat the request of Mulaneys wife.
I too one day hope to be afforded the opportunity to drag Seinfeld around on errands with me.
[The rug] is actually old.
Thats a new drink for seniors called Actually Old.
Best Line:[Bats] look like hamsters that got an idea.
Seinfeld
7.
Everything that comes out of Colberts mouth is hilarious and this episode is just so damn enjoyable.
Best Line:I think the lulls are nice.
Colbert
6.
President Obama: Just Tell Him Youre the President (Season 7, Episode 1)
Mic drop!
I do very well with the zero-to-8 demographic.
They love me, says Obama.
Well, after watching this episode, we reminisce on the old America and love you even more.
Best Line:You have to use the non-presidential garbage.
Obama
5.
So of course to Monks, I mean Toms, they go.
This isntComedians in Cars Getting Coffee, its a look at what would have happened ifSeinfeldnever ended.
Complete fodder for the fans.
Best Line:You know I like the curly chip.
You didnt put it out.
I noticed that right away.
Costanza
4.
Also a foreshadowing to the end ofThe Daily Show With Jon Stewart.
Stewart: [On why Seinfeld wants to be buried] Why would you think about it?
Seinfeld: Just for fun.
Bob Einstein: Its Not So Funny When Its Your Mother (Season 9, Episode 6)
Huzzah!
Einstein becomes the first guest to return for a second episode, and deservedly so!
Einstein
But also, every damn line.
More than that, this is the most sincere episode of the run.
And okay, there is also a little bias on my part from hisBeetlejuicedays.
Best Line:Your life has been one unbroken boulevard of green lights, hasnt it?
Baldwin
1.
Like it jinxed it.
Shandling is so effervescent and full of life, just a treasure that went too soon.
Keep the tissues close with this one.
Best Line:Shandling and Seinfelds Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercial.
Daniella Bondar is a writer and NYC dweller.
Find her words atdaniellarobin.comand follow her awkward exchanges on Twitter@daniellarobin.
