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My name is Miss Jenn, she says.

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EJ wants to be a Troy, but hes a Chad.

Gina, arguably the Sharpay, tries everything she can to become Gabriella.

But mostly what you see is a Disney property chewing, swallowing, and then regurgitating itself whole.

In its best moments, thats really what the first two episodes of the show feel like.

And, importantly, the singing is good!

The teens all have the virtue-signaling shiny/floppy/dramatic hair required for teens in a Disney production.

Their teeth are straight, their skin is clear.