Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
(Most of whom, in another fun twist, are named after celebrities.)
I want to know all about your farm!
How long have you lived there and where exactly is it located?
I always spend time in Sydney, but Im at the farm as much as I can be.
Ive got four little vineyards and the farm is the heart of it.
My chickens, sheep, goats the whole menagerie is there.
A couple of them have become unwitting media stars.
I used to do a blog onmy wine labelswebsite about farm life and what was going on there.
But I got kind of bored of that.
Same with Facebook, too.
It got really tiresome.
I enjoy Twitter because its really instant.
You know what people are enjoying.
Ive worked out that what I enjoy and what I find funny is what people enjoy, too.
Theres a lot of be anxious about.
I used to do a lot more angry posts.
But there are enough angry voices as it is!
Whats amusing me today?
Its mostly my duck.
I do work there occasionally.
Its not just playing with ducks.
But I do have my diversions there.
I love to name as many of my animals as possible after my friends.
It doesnt always end well.
Meryl Streep was killed by a ferret recently.
I found her as a pile of feathers one day.
That’s Meryl Streep, third from the right at rear.
He was a ram.
He was doing what rams do he fell off the back of a female sheep.
We found him with his feet up in the air the next day.
Theyre very,very,busy boys, those rams.
Its a little-known fact that the most prodigious mammal on the planet is a ram.
Rams can service, shall we say, up to 80 females in a day.
Theres no other male animal on the planet that has that capability.
He went the distance and died on the job.
How many animals are roaming around at any given time?Ill have to think about that.
They all serve productive functions.
As cute as they are, theyre not decorative.
The sheep are used as lawnmowers.
The pigs make manure.
Although I got a few new duck friends arriving soon!
Theyre all outdoor animals, I should also note.
I dont encourage them to come inside my house.
It hadnt been shorn in years!
A friend asked if I could look after it, so I said yes.
We put the sheep next to the horse, and theyve become absolutely inseparable.
Theyre two old men.
Theyre never more than ten yards apart.
They nuzzle each other all day.
The horse doesnt like other horses through the years, he would fight with them all.
But he took to the sheep immediately and they completely love each other.
When it rains, the sheep goes under the horse and he stays dry that way.
This is what FRIENDSHIP looks like.
Front paddock.pic.twitter.com/6NFdG7WnkW
Theres been some aggro behavior on the farm these past few weeks.
But Angelica has had his way with Imogen illegally before and has made many other attempts to see her.
Theyve come to blows a lot.
Angelica finally lost out and has a lot of scars on his face now.
I want to bring up some specific animals of yours.
Im fascinated how Charlie the duck thinks youre his dad.
One of my employees was driving too fast into the farm one day and flattened Charlies two friends.
Poor Charlie was left on his own after that.
Theres something about that duck!
He loves being in my company and I love hanging around with him, too.
Or rather, I shouldnt say he.
I always thought Charlie was a male, and then she laid eggs one day.
That was quite a surprise, but then some wild ducks came and destroyed the eggs.
That was probably disappointing for Charlie.
Were getting new friends for Charlie in the next few weeks, so well see how that goes.
If they dont bond, Charlie is No.
1 for me, and theyll be returned.
I really like Muscovy ducks; theyre really sociable.
I tried having Indian Runner ducks, but they would always run away.
I had to sell them.
Whats the point of having an animal if they dont like you?
I remember Charlie flying five years ago and shes never been flying since.
It took me so much by surprise.
Two flights in one day!
She likes to hang out by my front door, too.
My duck Charlie was wanting to say hello this morning, but met a barrier of ice.
Ill admit the yoga isnt a daily occurrence.
Here we demonstrate the “Upward Facing Dog”.
Or “The Cobra” to the Pig.
[ he’s more Yoga than Pilates.]
‘Just 3 more Sam !
‘‘Yes coach.’
Omm.pic.twitter.com/dM3CvMNdcS
Has Helena Bonham Carter the cow had any more calves?Yes, she has!
Shes recently been shamelessly flirting with Jimmy Nesbitt, my bull.
Shes competing for his favors with another female cow.
Shes been at it fordaysnow.
I avert my eyes.
How does a cow flirt?Nuzzling and sniffing backsides.
Helena is a piece of work in the love department, Ill tell you.
But I have a go at avoid telling the more graphic details.
If attention is one thing to go by, Id be one of my rams.
They have, at any one time, 30 or 40 girlfriends who just adore them.
To be well loved in life is as much as one can hope for, isnt it?
