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Michelle Davis (@michellenbd) is a Brooklyn-based comedian, writer, and actor.
But that would be a lie I hate Monty Python.
Sorry, comedy to me is Tiffany Pollard learning what break a leg means.
I always wanted to be an actor, and thats why I went to acting school.
(To be fair, that was life-altering!)
This was basically my first time doing stand-up.
Then I started lurking at open mics until one day someone made me perform.
I am very bad at small talk, especially on dates.
This is a very real thing that I said on a first date.
My date responded with a Hmmm!
And for some, that means something!
(Not him; he did not text me back.)
This tweet was written during my summer of yes (a.k.a.
my summer of spending money like I had my moms credit card like all of my white friends).
This summer I also said things like I sent you a Venmo request, but babe?
I think this is the result of NYU culture!
Anyways, this tweet was the result of my very erratic spending behavior this summer.
I also am realizing that I wrote this tweet the day after a payday dark!
How does that make you feel?
Ive become very used to that.
It sucks sometimes, but the play someone will write about my life will slap for sure.
We also have drag performers who sweat out edges with performances dedicated to the diva of the month.
I love hosting this show first and foremost because its so much freaking fun.
And not to brag, but Id give myself an eight out of ten.
(Dont ask the audience.)
Its like ordering a soda and having to pay extra for ice it is just simply not right.
And you know what?
Yup, I just decided that now!
Youre basically saying, Babe, a burger is enough.
Oh, you want fries too?
Well, youll have to pay extra for that.
Also, Im scared for your health, fatty.
No, fries come with a burger.
I could write a dissertation on this.
Cool, now Im mad.
What if your burger came with tater tots.
Would that appease you?Absolutely not tater tots are for breakfast.
I feel strongly about that.
I will always resentNapoleon Dynamitefor making people think tater tots are an acceptable non-breakfast food.
Moreover, I hate the trend of bringing another potato product into the burger-accompaniment mix.
Just a couple of days ago at the airport (Okay, she travels!)
Why are we trying to fix something that hasnt been broken since the beginning of time?
Burgers come with french fries.
I will be taking no further questions.
