Riverdale
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is out for revenge.
Arch is even cooking the turkey in a deep fryer, the way Fred always used to.
And then theres the fact that a massive ice storm is headed for Riverdale.
Theres an ice storm.
Its coming: the ice storm.)
But with FPs more-than-tacit encouragement, Archie decides to go ahead with dinner anyway.
Id like to think blackmail smells like bond paper and fine leather goods.
Or so they think.
We love to make new friends.
You weirdos chosethisover Thanksgiving dinner with your families?
As Bethenny told Jill Zarin, get a hobby.
It was a fiction-writing exercise, he insists, and in every way an extremely normal thing to do.
But then the deep fryer explodes, creating a distraction that allows Archie to disarm Dodgers Mom-ger.
(Excuse me, what is this womans skin-care routine?
She looks, like, three years older than her alleged son.)
Freds sweet little overcooked turkey ghost protected them!
In case you were wondering,as I was: Uncle Bedford didnotmake it out of the chapel alive.
And so Cheryl deviously invites her and Cousin Fester (!)
over for a family Thanksgiving dinner at Thornhill that will double as a dark performance-art piece.
Then again, whose family Thanksgiving dinner doesnt?
Am I right, folks?
went full Donner Party.
Thats when Fester bites into Uncle Bedfords ring.
Any evidence he was ever here is in the process of being digested, Cheryl tells them.
Then, to really set the mood, Toni wheels out their My Decomposing Dress-Up TwinTM doll.
Cheryl blackmails (mmm, that leathery aroma!)
Future Supreme Court Justice Blossom is truly one of her generations finest legal minds.
Nice and gamey!)
Hence, the window.
And again, ew.
I do not like this.
I do not like Stonewall.
I do not like the horrible children who attend it.
I do not like any of it.
