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I love Ted Wheeler onStranger Things.
Ted Wheeler thinks hes in … what?
Heres every episode ofStranger Thingsseason three, as seen from the everydad perspective.
Chapter One: Suzie, Do You Copy?
The paper says theyre building one of those big indoor shopping malls on the outskirts of town.
I hope theres a decent pro shop.
Theres supposed be a multiplex, which sounds neat.
This town could use some fun after … well, whatever happened with Mikes friend.
The one that was dead, then not dead.
Still cant get a bead on that.
We went to the funeral, for Petes sake!
And then that business withNancys gal pal?
Kids deserve some fun.
Anyway, Karen did something new with her hair.
Its like, lighter or something.
Holly sure likesthe pool.
Karens taken her every day this week.
Maybe weve finally got an athlete in the family, a little Esther Williams.
Id think he has a girlfriend, but what are the chances of that?
Meanwhile, a lot of folks are bellyaching about some good old-fashioned capitalism.
Folks who ran stores on Main Street are protesting the mayor for letting the mall get built.
But whatsMayor Klinesupposed to do, stop progress?
This is America, we dont stop malls from being built.
Thats sounds more like Russian mayorism to me.
I know the kids been through a lot, but jeezy creezy.
I was trying to take my post-lawn-mowing nap, when boom!
Im at the Renaissance Fair.
And it hasnt stopped all day!
Now I dont know when Im going to be able to take a nap.
Post-lawn-mowing nap time is over, and were edging dangerously close to pre-dinner nap time.
That family is a curse on me, I tell ya.
I said, Language, in a mildly offended tone like I always do, but to no effect.
Chapter Four: The Sauna Test
I guess Hollys not so hot on swimming now.
Chapter Five: The Flayed
Red Dawnwas on TV last night.
One Russian lived in my den, and they sent five cars full of government agents.
A whole cadre of Russians infiltrating the county right under our noses?
Not in Reagans America.
Chapter Six: E Pluribus Unum
Whole town is going to the fair tonight.
Supposed to be meeting the kids there.
I hope Karen doesnt make me go on any rides that are too fast or tall.
But on the plus side, my new plaid pants were a big hit!
God bless that new mall.
Chapter Eight: The Battle of Starcourt
Kids today have no respect for other peoples bedtimes.
Fireworks were going off all night.
At one point, it sounded more like helicopters than teens setting off bottle rockets.
And apparently the mall burned down?!
I bet it was one of those fireworks.
They oughta make those things illegal.
Thirty-something people died, which is horrible.
But maybe it will teach them that theres no reason to go shopping so late at night.
I didnt even know the mall stayed open that late, and look where it gets them.
Im just glad my kids keep sane hours and stay out of trouble.
