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Welcome back, rich kids!
Before we begin with this weeksSuccessionPower Rankings, there is something we must discuss.
The site is snappy and snarky and has a hot owner.
Once more, phonetically:vahl-ter.
Doesnt that sound a little familiar?
Doesnt it sound like, oh, I dont know, Vulture??????
The website that youre reading right freaking now???
Representation, my fellow one-percenters.
Theres also a new foe and a lot of the same old double-crossing.
Heres whos up and whos down post-Vaulter.
Cyd Peach
Was Armie Hammer onto something when hedid not eat the peachinCall Me by Your Name?
(He wasnt, but isnt that a funny line?
Haha, Im a comedian.)
Here onSuccession, Tom has his work cut out for him with Cyd Peach.
Shes inscrutable and experienced, but most of all she is just mean.
I love her, in the way I love every intimidating woman.
Look at the way she glares at Tom, insulting his haircut and his latte in one breath!
Could Elio Perlmans peach dothat?
Because Caitlin Fitzgerald is tall and glamorous and absolutely nutty.
This was my personal line of the night.
Long live Tomswallowing his own load!!!!!
!Tabitha might end up with it all.
Shiv Roy
Shiv, honey, youre in danger, girl.
Vaulter has confirmed all my suspicions: Shiv was right to notimmediately trust Logans offer last week.
(Unlike our universe, here.)
Did Shiv just fuck up?
to shut it all down.
Because my dad told me to, he reasons.
It gets him back into his dads office, but I get the feeling its only for closer inspection.
And poor Kendalls under-eye bags!
Kendall is just a big, bad errand boy.
Logan peering at his laptop, telling Shiv: I need three independent women, know any?
Why yes, Logan Roy, I do.Logan, as always, is holding all the cards.
(If these power rankings were only about that, hed be at the top every time!)
Shiv can lead, but will she?
Connor is running for president.
The ATN News chyron that reads: Why Are So Many of Our Older Celebrities Dying?
Cousin Greg
Cousin Greg began this episode with values he knows ATN News is bad but without an apartment.
Cousin Greg ends this episode with a sick apartment!
Im happy for him, and am excited for him to ball out at Target or something.
Im not sure where Cousin Greg thinks you buy furniture.
(Where do you think Cousin Greg thinks he should buy furniture?)
I did appreciate that he jumps around his big apartment like a little doofus.
Roman Roy
Romans new, permanent address might be here, right in the middle of these power rankings.
He is completely idiotic, but does get all the funny lines.
Roman says to Connor.
Could you maybe get a little experience?
Like maybe at a CVS?
Its hilarious, but this episodes Vaulter deal just shows how slow he is to maneuver.
Hes still just a jester.
While Kendall is in Logans inner circle, Roman didnt see the Vaulter move coming.
Tom Wambsgans
FromSuccessions opening minute this episode, Tom is at a disadvantage.
Yes, this column will keep trying to ask the important questions.
Anyway: Tom is really in over his head this week.
Instead he gets Peach, the head of ATN News.
Kind of like a cicada.
Isnt that what cicadas are like?
This week shes not even given the opportunity!
Marcia is dismissed from one of Shiv and Logans late-night sessions to unplug theAlexa?
The Waystar Royco crony who actually drank his smoothie
I mean, come on, dude.
Vaulters emerging union
Whoo, boy.
They shouldve pulled the trigger when they had the chance.
One week of severance for every year served??
?
