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We have gay, trans, black, Asian, mixed …
I dont know whether to roast these people or register them to vote.
Per usual, no subject was off-limits.
Participants jokes were equalizing, normalizing, and aimed to unite rather than offend.
If I can rant for just one minute here, he began before nodding to Baldwin.
Youre a great sport.
You people can blow me, you pussy fucksticks!
This is a goddamn roast!
Comedians need a place where they can be offensive without your bullshit fake outrage, you hashtag heroes!
You already ruined the Oscars!
Youre all woke and no joke!
This isoursafe space, bitches!
Next time, why dont you just valet your car and help out your brothers business?
Ross also proved himself to be an unparalleled improviser, remarking to Carolla, You oncesaid women werent funny.
Well, they are, and you should have hired some to write your jokes tonight!
(Which she definitely did.)
Youve already gained control of a womans body.Chris Redd:Caitlyn, youre against gay marriage.
You voted for Trump.
I want to take this moment to publicly thank you.
As an athlete, I want to thank you for your bravery.
As a human, I want to thank you for the doors youve opened.
How could someone who chooses to be a woman vote against a womans right to choose?
Who did you transition into?
… You proved tonight that youre not only a great athlete, youre also a great sport.
Youre an inspiration to Republican transgender Olympic decathlon winners everywhere.
In closing, Jenner herself took a moment to get confessional and return the favors.
Look, I know some of you hate me just because Im me.
Some of you hate me because of the things Ive said in the past.
Well hey, Im not perfect.
Im a person trying to figure out my life, just like everyone else.
If you have a problem with that, then you’ve got the option to suck my dick!
If you’re able to find it!
Its good to be here, she enthused up top.
He also loses Emmys and Oscars and custody of his first-born child, am I right?
Let me just set the record straight.
He was a great dad.
I still remember when he would tuck me in and yell me a bedtime story.
His favorite: The Three Little Thoughtless Pigs.
What thefuckam I doing here?
He fucking nails it, exposing Trump for the ridiculous, malignant, narcissist bully sociopath he is.
Waiting for the applause break to die down, he returned the focus to his friend the roastee.
Its not fair, though, because Alec doesnt even have to act to do that.
Of course, it was Baldwin who got the final say at the end of the night.
I love all of you, he told his roasters.
And if you dont believe me, just check your voicemails.
