The Bachelorette
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
Im filling in for the inimitable Ali this week fear not, shell be back for the finale!
So fine, lets talk about Jordan.
Poor Colton was having real feelings and was all ready to get attached and finally get laid.
Poor David was feeling hyperdefensive about not getting enough attention and not being a front-runner.
Poor Christian was a male model who also had areal job, according to him.
They were all there for the right reasons!
They were ready for Jordan to look like an ass.
They forgot, again, that on this show, being serious is boring.
Jordan knows exactly what hes doing, and keeps saying things like, These guys couldnt stand having fun!
Lets get something straight about the damn golden underwear, once and for all.
Beccabrought the underwear and gave it to Jordan.
(Obviously a producer gave Becca the underwear.
But still he did not pack it himself.
)Howare these guys still ticked at this dude for wearing the underwear she gave him!
I dont know you that well, GSJ tells Chris Harrison.
You seem like a great guy.
Which makes it even more dumb that obviously theyre not going to pick him to be the next Bachelor.
Too bad hes going to get lost inside the continent-sized island of floating trash that isBachelor in Paradise.
It does not work.
Colton speaks emotionally about how hard its been for him to have his masculinity questioned, and everyone cries.
Truly a disastrous outing for ol Colton this week.
Do more things happen in this episode?
Chris, at least, books the gospel singers to come back and sing his apologies.
Then there are the obligatory bloopers which Harrison introduces with his usual glinting-eyed relish.
Why does that man love bloopers so much?
Lincoln is absent from the episode entirely.
And none of that silence is particularly surprising.
It is extremely frustrating, though.
So much for The Men Tell All, then.
