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There are people out there who, every year, complain about Christmas creep.
To which I say, Feh!
Did your landlord turn the heat on in your building?
This year, Lifetimes 24/7 Christmas-content schedule is called Its a Wonderful Lifetime and will feature 30 new features.
Hallmark will also have 24/7 Christmas programming, and both channels combined will feature 40 new Christmas films.
So start your Advent calendar early: Heres what to watch, and when, sorted by holiday-movie trope.
Lets Create the Perfect Conditions for Intimacy Using a … 1 Teen Kiernan Shipka is one of the several, as is Odeya Rush.
Also: Joan Cusack stars as, I dont know, Adult.
Some have to be named Brady (Corey Sevier) and have a winter storm ground them in Cleveland.
Did I hear that right?
There are sled dogs.
That cant be right.
But I thought they said Tuscany?
They definitely say Tuscany.
You better watch this, you better do it for Scott.
The man is Buddy Cole for Christmass sake!
Kristin Chenoweth is starring in a Christmas movie!
Finally, theyre putting the Kristin back in Christmas.
stars as Clio, a Christmas-shop owner who befriends Fred (Stan Shaw), a homeless jazz singer.
Clio helps Fred reconnect with his daughter and grandkids, just in time for the towns annual Christmas concert.
This movie takes the freak snowstorm route to stranding its too-big-for-her-britches protagonist in her Tennessee hometown.
If the cable holiday-movie lineup were a chess game, this would be a very strategic opening gambit.
Let that sink in!
?Hon, you cant just name your movie after two IMDB keywords.
And infraction B is that it airs on Halloween!
from the North Pole (Beth Broderick).
And then theres Paul Feigs latest film,Last Christmas,which has all of the above.
- Emilia Clarke stars as a disillusioned department-store elf with an angelic voice who meets the too-good-to-be-true Golding in London.
Shell host a 12 Days of Christmas contest to see who can re-create her Christmas recipes.
I get that its a very Christmas-y name, but is that allowed?
Holly competes and falls in love with local hunky baker Brad (Greyston Holt.
Greyston.Greyston.GreystonHolt.Nowthatis a name).
They nailed the set.
(2)Comedy Bang!
Bang!andOrphan Blackfixture Kristian Bruun is in this, and I like when he gets work.
(3) A sweet old man (their dad?)
Can a Christmas Miracle Save Capitalism?
But can she design hunky eligible businessman Nicks estate in time for Christmas Eve?
Matthew Davis plays Nick.
Hes Warner fromLegally Blonde.Thats huge!
Will they save the business?
Do you even have to ask?
Christmas a la Mode ice cream is born!
it’s crucial that you be doing five fewer things with this movie.
Its somehow so much and so little, all at once.
Maybe they regularly pull that kind of thing over on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, but round these parts?
There he meets Julie, an astronomy teacher whos always looked to the stars for hope.
Way to come for the artistic integrity of 2009 parody novel (arent you glad this trend is over?
At one point in the preview clips, Edward tips his hat and says Mlady and its played straight.
Thats some Joker-meme-account energy right there.
Inspired by true events, no less.
Wait … but falls into a creative rut while juggling holiday preparations and feelings for the agencys HR manager.
You were so close,The Christmas Temp!An HR manager violating HR protocol?
What is a Christmas town?
Ill tell you: Its a place where a grieving doctor can fall in love with Michael Rady.
Get it?Godwinks!
The Knight Before Christmas(Netflix, November 21):Poor Vanessa Hudgens.
Girl cant celebrate a normal Christmas in peace without some big British disturbance coming along to change her fate.
Brooke will teach Cole how to use a Roku.
The Magical Christmas Shoes(Lifetime, November 22 at 8 p.m.):Have you ever watchedTiny Fuppets?
Everything in the world ofTiny Fuppetsis ever so slightlyoff.Kermit and Miss Piggy are replaced by Kormit and Ms. Woman.
The dialogue is stilted and the eyes are dead.The Magical Christmas Shoessounds like an episode ofTiny Fuppets.
This is set in the small town of Ponchatoula, Louisiana, making itaLouisiana Christmas, if nottheLouisiana Christmas.
Black Mirroris absolutely shaking.
Patti Murin plays Pam!
Cant wait for this, by which I mean I cant wait for Patti Murin as Pam, specifically.
Chad Michael Murray is second billed, but his role isnt specified in the promo materials.
Guess its just another one of those classic Mistletoe SecretsTM.
Theres a floofy Westie dog in the promo stills, so, you know, points for that.
That wasWhile You Were Sleeping.Whatever!
Sounds like a wintry50 First Dates.
Brooks Darnell plays her office love interest.
And they say the rom-com is dead!
Reader, I laughed out loud.
Oh, and Shirley MacLaine is low-key third-billed as a sassy elf?
This looks like a decently cute Christmas movie.
Its 2019 and Apparently Theres This Thing Called Hanukkah Now?
It so happens that the dates coincide with Hanukkah!
Hallmark, hey hey hey hey let me write thatothermovie for you.
It will make my Jewish mother so proud.
But wait: Hes Jewish!
Whats a Hanukkah account need a toy company for?
Whats she gonna do, reinvent the dreidel?
(Just saying, cable networks: Im still available to do punch-up on your Hanukkah scripts.)
What If Christmas Happened in Other Countries?
Its More Likely Than You Think.
(Its a very Trey MacDougal move.)
Davis isnt alone for long, though, once she meets a handsome bush-plane pilot played by Rob Lowe.
Together, they save a baby elephant and celebrate Christmas at an elephant orphanage.
Netflix has thosebaby elephantdollars.
Christmas in Rome(Hallmark, November 30 at 8 p.m.):Whatever Lacey wants, Lacey gets.
If Hallmark Channel crown jewel Lacey Chabert wants to film on location in Rome, Hallmark will Film.
I kind of feel like Rome plays a character in this movie.
Lacey Chabertsaid that, about the movieChristmas in Rome.
And then there are the ones that feel undeniably like made-for-TV, direct-to-VOD movies.
Hopefully, 2020 brings usA Christmas Prince: Aldovian Tabloid Lawsuit.
Apparently, Montana is a hotbed of activity for major mens fragrance companies!
Hot Single Dads in the Exciting World ofRadio!
Shes also falling for a handsome single dad with a cute daughter.
Might they be one and the same?
If Melanie Griffith inWorking Girltaught us anything, its acquiring radio is a real head-for-business move.
La La Anthony guests, because Netflix knows what we want.
From there, we can only hope things take aBelinda Blinkedturn for the steamy.
Shes got a Thanksgiving movie.
dumped by her high-school sweetheart.
Cheryl Hines is in this in some capacity!
Spoiler alert: Theyll definitely find the dog and near-definitely rediscover each other.
Putthatin yourJokervape and smoke it!
Matt (Stephen Huszar) is an ex-soldier.
Can I make it any more obvious?
Shes working on an album, and together they build a house for a friend.
That doesnt make the title any less menacing, though.
Is it just going to be a thinly veiled travelogue for Dollywoods Smoky Mountain Christmas Festival?
But Dolly Partons in it, so were all watching it.
Also, its set at Christmas!
What element of the song did she steal, exactly?
This movie that had a working title of Christmas Bride.
I love the unnecessary punnage behind this name, though, because its only, like, a semi-spin.
Check In is already an inn-related term in itself; its something one does in an inn.
The secondnis so, so redundant.
It vaguely seems like its referencing Elton Johns Step Into Christmas, but thats all Ive got.
If there isnt a travel-writer B-plot, Im checking out of this one.
Christmas Chalet(UPtv, December 1 at 7 p.m.):Uh-oh!
Dont you just hate it when that happens?
At the resort, she runs into the one that got away.
Theres a 91 percent chance that the movies opening scene is set to Micheles new Christmas song.
Nia Vardalos plays her mom, so were sold.
Christmas Hotel(Lifetime, December 21 at 8 p.m.):Look.
Eventually, you run out of plucky leads to name Holly.
So you make a movie about the Mt.
Holly Inn in the town of Mt.
Erin has to figure out if what she really wants is a promotion or to be home again.
Its insane that were still doing this.
to save the local historical theater.
Kyla Pratt was the voice of Penny Proud, of theProud FamilyProuds.
This alone is reason enough to watch.
With appearances by Priscilla Presley herself and country singer Chase Bryant, this is an E-ticket Hallmark Christmas movie.
Will they sing their famous duet, Wouldnt Be Christmas?
Will they write something new?
All we know is … this one also has a travel-writer B-plot.
Shes also Melissa Joan Hart.
This movie has it all: adorable daughtersandmassive snowstorms.
How will she keep it together in time for a glossy video shoot of the perfect Christmas?
Ill show her whoreallywears the Hallmark crown in this town.
The coral talons clutch the second-gen iPad Mini by its bedazzled case.
Ill have Hallmark build me a whole damn town.
Black Christmas(in theaters December 13):Its written and directed by women.
Its a Blumhouse adaptation of a 1970s Canadian slasher flick.
Cary Elwes plays a professor with a tweedy accent.
Theres a reenactment of theMean GirlsJingle Bell Rock dance.
The tagline is Slay, girls.
This seems like a fun, spooky reprieve from two months of cable holiday-movie marathoning.
Did Hallmark Christmas cards really need a film adaptation?
It also has really bad SEO.
You know what you get when you googleHoliday Date?You get Veterans Day.
A Family Christmas Gift(Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, December 2o at 9 p.m.):Hark!
Rejoice!DefiniteMasked SingercontestantPatti LaBelle does Hallmark movies now.
We dont know what this one is about, but we can make informed guesses.
Prediction One: There will bepie.
Prediction Two: If theres a Christmas tree in the vicinity, there better be somebackground singers underneath it.
That piping-hot bit of nog is based on afan interactionon Twitter with its star, Eric Mabius.
On October 5, he alsosaw an otter.
A Cheerful Christmas(Hallmark, December 22 at 8 p.m.):This one doesnt have a synopsis.
It doesnt even have a cast.
It just has thismood-piece color storyon the Hallmark website.
When Calls the Heart Christmas(Hallmark, December 25 at 8 p.m.):This!
This is the reason for the season!
This is what were all going to abandon our various family gatherings for on Christmas itself!
Leave your loved ones and tune in on Christmas to find out!
