The Real Housewives of Atlanta
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Do you feel it?
Do you feel the darkness closing in around us?
Theres, of course, the actual literal darkness.
The sun set at 4:41 today.
And then … there is the emotional darkness.
Dumb alt-right trolls are flooding theDancing with the Starsphone lines to keep Sean Spicer on the show.
This is a real thing thats happening on our Earth.
This showjust gets it.I want a Premiere Party for a 7-month-old baby held in a strip-mall event space.
I want random clips of a vlogger screaming about rumors and cheating in her living room.
Theyve done this trick before, but it works every single time.
Lets get to it.
Kenyas delusional self is back.
Imagine saying youre grateful to your baby for not stealing your spotlight.
Even as a joke.
This baby will have a looooooong journey ahead of her.
What follows is a montage of Kenyas worst moments.
When I die, I hope someone cuts together aReal Housewivesstyle montage about my contributions to the shady arts.
Even though he has a 7-month-old child.
Ugh, to be a man.
Then its time to check in with Porsha, our dear, sweet Porsha.
She is going through it.
PJ is only 2 months old and Dennis has been kicked out.
Porsha went on his phone and discovered that hed been cheating on her while she was pregnant.
This season seems very baby and the father of my child is absent focused.
Also: WHERE IS NENE?
WHERE IS NINNETHIA LEAKES?
Why is she not on my television screen?
How can a season ofAtlantapremiere and we get zero NeNe?
Kandi is having feelings about her surrogate carrying her and Todds child.
Eva is meeting with her husband and shes pregnant with baby No.
Shes also looking for a house.
On whose dollar, Eva?
Meanwhile, Cynthia is bringing Mike Chill Hill a glass of wine in bed.
She knows what kind of ring she wants and shes been posting wedding dresses on Instagram but shesnotpressuring Mike.
So she doesnt get dressed because shell feel just as terrible outside the house, so whats the point?
She breaks down crying and, oh man, I want to run Dennis over with my car.
I know it wont help, but it would send a message.
Its hard enough to have your fiancee cheat on you but she JUST HAD A BABY.
She has one of those tiny babies that cant even do anything yet.
Going through all this bullshit on top of no sleep and dirty diapers is just too much.
She says she hopes to wake up and its all a joke or a dream.
I just want the best for Porsha.
She and I have come a long way, truly.
She sends a drink over to Kandi and comes over to reassure them that shes never even met Dennis.
Her name is Sincerely and I simply cannot and will not process that.
She says she doesnt want to see the destruction of a beautiful Black family.
Sincerely is both her name and how she sees the world.
Apparently Dennis was also using drugs and engaging in bestialitiy?!?
No no no no no.
WE SHALL NOT LIVE LIKE THIS.
I hope so.)
Its time for Brooklyns Barbie Bash, yall.
Everyone has to dress as their favorite Barbie.
Cynthia shows up as Thirsty Bride Barbie with her niece in tow to be her flower girl.
There is also no one at this party.
They have to keep creatively editing to not show all the empty tables.
There is also a child DJ.
Kenya, no one knows what a baby coming-out party is.
Kandi is not pleased.
Shes just … embarrassed.
Also WHERE IS NENE?
!
