The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
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They showed off their impressive Hawaiian real estate bought with their ex-husbands money.
They cried that their businesses reminding people to exercise are doing far too well.
Remember how cut he was diving into their pool in his Speedo way back in season one?
But Mauricio in a bathing suit now is even better.
He still has a great body, but not perfect like in the past.
Thats because hes not only ten years older, he also has a big important job now.
(You should see how they get around Tom Girardi.)
Who else do you think got stoned with him?
Not Kyle, for sure.
Can you imagine how anxious a stoned Kyle would be?
It would be like giving a Chihuahua a double shot of espresso.
I would say Edwin, but I dont think he would do that to his body.
My guess is Dorit.
She seems especially mellow at dinner, and Mo keeps making strange faces in her direction.
Maybe its no one.
Maybe its just him.
Anyway, he is one snack I wouldnt mind having the munchies with.
First of all, John Sessa is not allowed to be on this show.
She has about 19 of them.
Just let her pick one or several.
Secondly, this is such a horrible idea because she fed the guy these questions.
), and we might have gotten some real answers.
Do you think youll ever forget the hateful accusations made by your close friends?
I mean, come on.
Was anyone even wondering that?
Now we know that Lisa isnt lying about thinking theyre not her true friends.
Im sure that will go over like a dog turd in the bean dip.
The worst question, however, is one planted by John Sessa.
Do you think Dorits face has changed as much in the past year as her accent?
In her interview, she says, Shes had a head transplant.
Its my job to make fun of these people.
Stop knocking the proverbial dicks out of my mouth.
Now Lisa is making what seem to be slightly transphobic jokes at her expense?
Cant wait to see how this goes over with Billie Lee at the next SUR Pride party.
All of the ladies think the lie detector is an absolutely insane idea because, well, it is.
Ill concede one other thing, and its that often Lisa makes great television.
The stunt with the polygraph is Housewivery at its finest.
Its something that only one of the greats could have pulled off.
Mauricio cant even remember whos getting married (that must be some good weed!
), but he sure knows all the ins and outs of this saga.
Denise is hanging out with her ex-boyfriend and former co-star Patrick Muldoon, who also used to shag Lisar.
(What does that make them?
Typical 90s starlets?)
Theyre talking about how theyve gotten older and Denise says that her ex-husband aged her a few years.
Then she launches into a story about how Charlie Sheen showed up for Thanksgiving with a hooker.
Denises response was, Fine.
Ill fix a fucking plate.
But not our Denise.
This is just the best story.
Sadly, Denise didnt get to make the wedding.
She was filming a Christmas movie with Patrick Muldoon in a small suburban bedroom.
There were no tricks or green screens.
There was no CGI or makeup effects.
It was just a bunk bed in a normal home in a normal town.
To her it was magic.
It was the Christmas spirit.
She thought about the women, melting at that very moment under the Hawaiian sun.
She could smell the sunblock and flop sweat coming off of so many of the guests.
But she never wanted that.
